Even better than going back on a Wednesday is negotiating a staggered start. That's what Rebecca Min did when she returned to work as an attorney at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP in Manhattan after having her daughter about a year ago. Before giving birth, she typically worked until at least 8 p.m. If she kept up that pace, she'd never see her baby.
Along with her managers, Min decided the best plan was to work at 60% for the first three months back, and her salary was adjusted accordingly. She started with two days a week in the office and one day at home in New Jersey. Then, she upped it to three days in the office and one day at home. She's about to go back full time and says that this plan, called Flexible Return from Maternity, is the reason she is still at work.
"I had a lot of ambivalence about how I'd manage things when I came back," she says. "While I was pregnant I got an e-mail about Flexible Return, and it made it a no-brainer to come back and at least try. If my work demanded more of me, I don't think I could've kept it up. Especially when they're young, you're still bonding. My concern was if I leave her home all day with my mom, who takes care of her when I'm at work, she'd get attached to her more than to me."
Skadden Arps has a formal plan. Evans recommends asking your manager for a staggered return even if your company doesn't have one. They want you to be successful. Aside from altruistic reasons, they've trained you and put resources into your career. They don't want to have to search for someone else. Approach it by saying to your boss that you don't want to set yourself up for failure, and if you return full time, it will likely be overwhelming. Then explain the schedule you'd like to test out.
Anticipation makes the return tough too. That's why Evans recommends connecting with your colleagues several weeks before your start date to remind yourself that these people are your colleagues and you enjoy working with them. On the same note, bring the baby to work too. If you come back to work--and have lost a lot of the baby weight -- your colleagues might forget that you've just gone through a huge life change. But if they meet the baby and connect you with your new child, that will leave an indelible mark. In short: It makes the fact that you had a child more real.
Cate Colburn-Smith and Andrea Serrette, authors of The Milk Memos, say the No. 1 thing that helped them the first week was setting up a network of working mothers they relied on for emotional support. "Connecting with other mothers was a life raft," says Serrette.
For Colburn-Smith, a former IBM employee, it all started when she was in one of the company's employee lactation rooms pumping breast milk and crying because she felt like a mess. She missed her baby, was sleep deprived and in general out of sorts. She wrote on a paper towel: "I'm a new mom, and today is my first day back at work. Is anyone else using this room?"
The paper towel was soon filled, and it turned into journal entries that the moms would leave for each other. They were filled with supportive notes and tips. Serrette says the reason it helped was partly because she knew other moms survived the same thing she was enduring. But also because new moms with babies a few weeks ahead of hers let her know what she was likely in for a few weeks down the road.
"You're asking yourself, 'Why am I such a wreck?' and other people can say they went through it too," says Serrette, whose division of IBM is now a joint venture between it and Rich.
Many companies have formal working-mom networks. Min, the attorney from Skadden Arps, attends monthly lunches for moms. Occasionally, women partners who are also mothers, are invited as guest speakers to talk about their experience combining work and motherhood.
Moms may feel guilty for going back to work, particularly during the first week. As much as possible, Serrette and Colburn-Smith recommend acknowledging the feeling and then moving on. Do your best to compartmentalize. Meaning, when you're at work, work. Get things done so when you're through you can leave early and truly enjoy being home with your baby.
They also remind moms that the first week back is going to feel foreign but so did that first week of maternity leave. Eventually you figured out your daily schedule with the new baby, and the same thing goes for work.
"It takes a while to get into the groove and harmonize those two aspects of yourself--being a mom and a professional," says Serrette.
But it will come.
Midnight feedings, thousands of e-mails, puke on your newly dry-cleaned suit and carrying a breast pump to and from the office. The first week back at work for any new mother is grueling. If all that isn't enough to make a mom break down, there's the simple fact that it's really hard to leave your newborn.
