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Dear Infant Care Specialist:
My mother believes my baby (she is six months old) is too little for her age and feels that this causes her to sleep too much. She still sleeps with me and my husband and sleeps extremely well through the night. She doesn’t even awake for what my friends call “dream feeds.”
Our pediatrician says she is in the 40% for her height and weight and is not at all concerned. He said she is breast feeding well and seems happy and is getting enough sleep and told this to my mother at a recent visit. The doctor is not at all upset that she is sleeping with us. And yet my mother is not convinced. How can I get my mother off my back?
Elena Ebehardt
North Hollywood, CA
Dear Elena:
I have a feeling your mother might be more concerned or even fearful about your baby co-sleeping and is trying tactfully to convince you to put your baby into her crib. Many pediatricians and much research will agree with her, so be grateful for your pediatrician’s support.
Lauren Feder, M.D., who I quote often, in her book, Natural Baby and Childcare discusses the Family Bed and the benefits of co-sleeping. She feels strongly that about 30% of families (2006 statistics) sleep together either all or part of the night . Dr. Feder feels that “co-sleeping is excellent for bonding, breastfeeding, and minimizing sleep disturbances, since your baby is right next to you.” She goes on to explain why she feels it enhances each of these. She also feels that co-sleeping may boost self-esteem as the child gets older and becomes more independent and self reliant as adults.
Recent research done at the University of Pittsburgh may speak to your mother’s concerns about your baby’s sleeping, but even this study, which is not as positive as Dr. Feder is, ultimately does not discourage co-sleeping. The study explained parents’ motivations for bed sharing: Better sleep. Convenience, child safety, emotional needs and even tradition. Although the doctors in the study did not approve of bed sharing, they did not dissuade any of the caregivers, but rather gave advice on how to increase safety while bed sharing. (To read the complete study as a PDF, click Here.)
So Elena, I have provided you with a great book you can share with your mother and an article which may give your mother a little more peace of mind with regard to co-sleeping. I hope that this will make it easier for the two of you to discuss the situation at hand. If after that you are still at odds, know that you will probably never come to a comfortable solution without professional guidance.
Good Luck.
—Leslye Adelman, Infant Care Specialist
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